Stifled...

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Why Am I So Fucking Poor...?

Damn it.

Why the fuck am I so fucking poor? It's the holidays and I don't even have enough to eat. People are clubbing and watching movies while all I do is stay at home. Why? Why the fuck?

My family is so fucking poor. My friends have successful parents that earn quite a lot. They don't ever have monetary problems. Their parents own shops, work in firms and stuffs like that. So what are my parents doing?

My mum works as a lowly clerk who barely earns enough to pay for the bills. My dad? He's a fucking drug addict who also happens to be an ex-convict. He doesn't work and sleeps all day. He smokes, so much that he'd rather spend the money on cigarettes than give part of it to my 10 year old brother to buy food. He gets money from my mum and drinks a lot. Sometimes he drinks and gets drunk, comes home and wrecks the place up. That's the kind of fucking family I have.

My mum used to be a supervisor working in Seagate, but she quitted due to pride. I used to get about 100 bucks a week for pocket money. Then it dwindled to 50 bucks. Now, my mum can't even afford to give me pocket money. She gives me $20 occasionally for me to buy food if I get sick of instant noodles. $20. How long can I survive with that? Right this fucking moment, I don't have a single cent with me.

I try not to be a burden to my family. I buy my own stuffs, pay for my own transport. I try my best to not ask money from my mum, but life's just too tough. Jen wants me to send her home frequently. I don't even have money to top up my EZLink card. She's complaining I don't go out with her enough. My friends are asking me out, but I'm really broke. When I say I'm broke, no one really understands how broke I am. When I say I'm broke, I REALLY fucking broke.

Just when I thought I could get rich last week, my friend's soccer tip went wrong. I borrowed money to bet on it. Now I'm in fucking debt.

And what's next? My graduation night is coming, and jeans and sneakers are not allowed. So what the fuck am I going to wear? My wardrobe only has jeans and sneakers. Where can I find the fucking money to buy? Damn it. DAMN IT!!! I think I might as well skip graduation night. I'll get my leaving certificate some other day.

Sometimes I think I'm too fucking poor to have a girlfriend. Maybe my family is even too fucking poor to afford my existence. Damn.

I'm gonna be rich. I swear I'm gonna be fucking filthy rich. I'm gonna be rich no matter what it takes. NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!!!

Damn.

End...

Hanged @ 1:14 AM