Stifled...

Friday, March 04, 2005

Problems...

Well... It's kinda fast, I must say. 9 weeks of BMT coming to an end just like that. I'm gonna fucking POP soon. 5 more days. I don't know whether to be happy or worried about it. I guess I should be happy to leave Tekong, but I'll be posted to other units other that. I'll have to leave the guys I lived with for the past few weeks. I am kinda sad. And also, other units will definitely be tougher than BMT. The worst scenerio will be me being posted to SISPEC. School of Infantry Specialists, or Suffer In Silence, Please Endure and Carry on. It's also on Tekong. I don't wanna go back to that island no more.

On Tekong, I'm physically and mentally cut off from the world. I don't know what's going on out here. I get newspapers only on certain days and I never have the time to read them. I don't know what the fuck's happening in the world, I don't know what latest technology there is and I don't know what new songs are available. I'm so mentally drained that I'll read anything if I have the time.

Another problem is my friendship with my classmates and friends. Every book-out I spend all the time with Jen (I'm not complaining yet) that I haven't seen any of my friends since I got enlisted. I simply lost touch with them and my life's empty. My life now is only Jen and Tekong. Almost every Sunday morning my friends will be playing soccer near RZ's house. And what will I be doing then? Sleeping! Where have my life gone?

And as if all those are not enough, Jen is starting to get on my nerves too. She has 5 days a week to do the things she wanna do, play the games she wanna play. Me? I don't have any free time for myself. Even after training, I'll call her during my free time to chat with her. Every book-out I'll spend all my time with her. But does anyone know how fucked-up one gets when he doesn't have ANY free time for himself? I train like a fucking dog on Tekong for 5 fucking days. I sleep less than 6 hours a day, and when I wanna get some sleep at home, Jen will wake me up early in the morning. For what? NOTHING!!! She just wants me to wake up so that she'll not feel bored waking up alone. Sometimes I feel that I sleep more in Tekong than at home.

And when she plays with the computer, I'll just find things to do, but when I play with the computer, she'll fucking say I ain't spending time with her. WTF? Until last week, I haven't played any games on my computer. I don't even have to time type a decent entry. Why do you think the last entry was so short?

If I book-out and she's not there to fetch me, she expects me to go home, shower, and go look for her immediately. I can't rest at home, I can't play games at home. If I tell her I need to rest, she'll get angry and say I don't care about her and I don't wanna see her. I'm at the point of breaking down dealing with her. Wondering why I can type such a long entry? Because I just quarrelled with her and she left my house. Must this be the way I get free time for myself? Damn it...

As if all these are not enough, my 'A' level results are gonna be released in a few minutes' time. I think I'm gonna do so fucking badly that I'm just gonna fucking repeat my 'A' levels. I don't mind repeating, I just don't wanna get results that are too good to let me repeat but too bad for me to go to a local university. Not here yet not there. Damn. I'll have to go and see what's in store for me.

End...

Hanged @ 1:50 PM