Stifled...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Long Time No Crap...

It's been a long time since I last wrote rubbish. I've been talking about my own empty, pathetic life so much, making it sound so fulfilled, that it gets a little sick.

Anyway, I was clicking "Next Blog" on blogspot.com just now when I came across a picture of Edward Scissorhands. Those who watched it before will know that it's about this guy who was created by some mad faggot but that faggot die before he could complete his creation, leaving a man with no hands but has scissors replacing them.

Poor guy...

Now imagine this Edward is living in our age. What a disaster it will be. This Edward will not be able to walk on the streets as not only his looks will scare the pants off people and cause road accidents, his 'hands' will hook on to the skirts of female shoppers and tear them all to bits, making him a sex criminal. He'll cause lacerations to those who accidentally brush their legs against his blades. And when he moves forward to apologise and help the person he just cut, he'll unknowingly stab the victim, causing instant death.

At home, he can't do much on his own. He'll smash the remote into bits when he tries to turn the TV on. He'll detach every alphabet from the keyboard when he tries the surf pornographic websites, unless he sits a few metres away from a metal keyboard.

The worst thing for him is his lack of sex life. 'Born' like that, he can't wank. No, he can't, or he'll slice his penis off. Neither can he have sex because he may just slash the gal's head off my mistake when he has an orgasm. Don't even think about fingering. He'll make kebab outta the female. Imagine his hand entering from down under and the blades coming right outta the mouth. Disgusting...

Well, his existence may not be a totally bad thing though. You'll get sliced fruits and vegetables instantly if you have him over, provided he doesn't kill or lacerate you.

He can help recruits in Tekong cut their hair too, just hope that the head is still attached to the neck by the end of the session. Maybe he can help cut the leaves and branches along the roads. He'll be able to shape the trees into different things, making the roads more interesting.

Lastly, he's an instant ice-kachang maker. Remember the scene in which he sculpted a block of ice into an angel? The ice shaving flew all over the place like snow, but all going to waste. Why waste it? Make it into ice-kachang, save the ice-kachang man from trouble. Kids will love him. You can bet my left nut on that.

End...

Hanged @ 9:58 PM