Stifled...

Reeve Chua Zong Hao
01/01/1986
Male
Singapore

Friday, June 23, 2006

Yes Sir...

Before I start complaining, I'd have to say that a long-time lust have been purged. It's not fulfilled, but it ended.

Ok. Here's the complaint. I have 2 officers in my team, who are my superiors. They are fuckers, I mean it literally. They go around fucking girls, all the time. One of them, for some reason, can get girls, especially those older than him, to sleep with him on the first date. He was boasting about how he banged this 29 year-old lady in his car last night. Fucking full of himself.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, the 2 officers are rude and arrogant. I'm new to the team, and I do not know anything, but I'm willing to learn. However, those 2 motherfuckers (literally), are thinking that I've been in the team for a fucking long time. They are pushing work to me and not teaching me much. Whenever I ask them question or try to clear my doubts, they give me stupid and sarcastic remarks.

What I wanna say here is "I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!" Fucking bastards. It's not like the $1k I get every month is paid by them and them only. I, from a team 2IC, to now, a junior officer in their team, asked them politely and all I get are dumb answers. Fuck you, bitches. I didn't ask for the transfer. It was you guys that needed help, that's why I'm with you dicks.

And one more thing. "THERE'S A REASON WHY YOU ARE PAID $2400 A MONTH AND I'M PAID $1000 ONLY!" So stop pushing all the fucking shit to me, unless you guys are willing to teach me properly. My ORD is in November. I can just fuck-up the task given to me and still I can walk away with it. So you guys better wake up your fucking idea and stop thinking that you can push me around like a fucking volleyball, before I fucking wreck your fucking plans and cause some fucking retrenchments.

Thank goodness there're Suffian, Eng and Fariezan, together with a few other specialists who we can joke around with, thus life doesn't suck that much.

End...

Hanged @ 1:24 AM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

What...? I Can't Hear You...

I went to a live-firing just now. I think I didn't have my ear plugs on properly because I keep hearing a ring in my right ear. Damn. I hope it goes away soon. I don't wanna have hearing difficulties.

End...

Hanged @ 10:17 PM

Life's Tough...

I'm broke. Left with $40 in my bank account, I must try to survive till the 10th next month. I blame it on myself, for lending money to people, only to find out that they don't have no intention to return the money to me. And also, damn you, World Cup!

I spent the whole of today in a range, doing nothing. Literally nothing. I covered safety for 2 fucking details in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. Then I sat in the training shed and chatted with Yap and Suffian all the way till the evening. Fucking waste of time.

I bought a pair of weights to exercise my arms a little. I'm seeing results already and I'm starting to feel that the weights are not enough for me. I need to get heavier ones. I also need to shed the fucking fats around my abs, ass and thighs. Fucking hell, easier said than done.

I'll have to rest early. Will have to reach camp early tomorrow.

End...

Hanged @ 7:58 PM

Hurts A Little...

Every now and then I think about Jenn. It hurts a little.

The people around me talk about their girlfriends. I talk about my ex-girlfriend, the one I gave up on. My life revolved a lot around her, so she's always mentioned by me. It hurts a little.

Everytime I watch an anime that we promised to watch together, or an anime we haven't finish watching together, I think about Jenn. It hurts a little.

I play the games that she played, the games that we played, and think of how much fun we had together. She's always happy when she wins, and always happy for me when I win. It hurts a little.

Every now and then, I realise that there is no one to love me no more, no one at home waiting eagerly for my return. It hurts a little.

It hurts a little here and there. So is the hurt really little?

End...

Hanged @ 7:55 PM

Monday, June 19, 2006

01/12/03 - 16/06/06

For those who doesn't know it, I broke up with Jen. It was my decision. I ended it on Friday. Did it over the phone, but the conversation lasted for less than 2 minutes, so I didn't have a good chance to explain myself to her. I shall do it here.

Jen, I'm sorry. I made a difficult decision. I don't know if it's more for myself or more for you. I didn't want to waste your time. I cannot give any commitment, at least not yet. I may not be any much younger, but I'm definitely not old enough to give you any promises. I'm sorry I hurt you.

Also, I'm tired of the relationship. It's mostly my fault. My stupid fault for taking you for granted, not treasuring your love. I know you love me, gave me your all. But I just don't know how to react. It's me, just fucked-up me who grew tired of your unconditional love. How can anyone be this stupid, stupid enough to not want love that someone is giving whole-heartedly? I don't know, but I happen to be that fool.

I loved you. In fact, I still do, a little. We had good times, bad times, happy times, sad times. Though we were very comfortable with one another, but it's time we move out of our comfort zone. We'll not grow at all if we didn't. We'll remain like that all the way, without any progress. I'll always remember the times we had together, because afterall, you gave me the longest relationship I ever had. Like I told you, maybe next time we'd end up together again, for good? Nobody knows.

You are the girl I want to end up with, the girl I want to settle down with. But I can't settle down now. I'm too wild at the moment to let myself be tied down. I'm selfish. Forgive me.

Lastly, here's some lyrics from a song by James Blunt. They really express what I want to tell you. Sorry...

Goodbye my lover...
Goodbye my friend...
You have been the one...
You have been the one for me...

End...

Hanged @ 7:38 PM

Anonymous said...: Tried to type in your tagboard but it didn't seem to go through, anyway, just wanna say ren2 is fan4 jian4 one. Too good a life and we'll walk away. Hope you're alright.
-mei-; 10:32 PM

Friday, June 16, 2006

Bloody...

My foot got worse. I found out that it really isn't foot rot. It's some skin thing that has got little to do with a fungal infection. It began bleeding just now. It's totally red with blood now. A fresh wound. I've got another worse wound below the toe beside my big toe. It hasn't opened up yet. Maybe it will later...

Somehow, I like the look of that. I like blood, especially my own, makes me happy. I like the pain, somehow it makes me feel alive.

This picture doesn't justify the amount of blood I lost.

I've got an excuse letter from the doctor. I am being excused from wearing boots for a month, but I most probably won't adhere to that. I don't wanna render myself useless to my team.

I may hit town for a walk later. Let the pain resonate throughout my body.

End...

Hanged @ 11:57 AM

Frustration...

...

End...

Hanged @ 10:04 AM

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Monday...

I woke up on Monday morning, at about 6AM, to send Jenn to work. Took the bus to her workplace, then took the same bus home. Thank god for the invention of the PSP.

Got home, rested a while, then headed to Harbourfront to meet my colleagues. After quite some time, all of the people arrived and we headed to Sentosa.

Reached Tanjong Beach at around 3.15PM and started playing beach volleyball. We only had a soccer ball, so we had to borrow a volleyball from 3 girls on the beach. They were kinda hot, were holding onto a volleyball, and not playing at all. We played for quite a long time, until about 5PM? I don't really remember.

The gals came over to get their ball back when they were about to leave. We chatted with them for a while, found out that they were from MJC, and we took photos with them. However, the photos are in their camera and I highly doubt I'll ever see those photos.

Next, we played beach soccer. It was a fun but tiring game. We had beer every now and then, since we arrived on the beach. Played till evening and went to the other beach when it got dark. We had Sakae Sushi. My colleagues were kinda suprised by the amount I ate, commenting that that was the reason I gained weight. Damn.

Hit Bikini Bar after dinner to watch the World Cup match between Australia and Japan. We were sitting outdoors. It was an exciting match. The waitress of the bar was wearing, as the name of the bar suggests, a bikini, and serving us beer. She was hot and I couldn't really make up my mind to rest my eyes on her or the projection screen.

Headed indoors after the game ended. We had more beer and played this card game called Taboo. It was a fucking fun game and the waitress joined us. Watched the second match, the USA against Czech Republic, with more beer. Damn, my colleagues can drink.

We continued watching the match between Italy and Ghana after that. Had more beer. Ogled at the waitress more. I believe we had about 10 jugs throughout the day. I was fucking tired by the time the last match of the day ended. Took a colleague's car to Bukit Timah to have supper/breakfast at about 5.15AM on Tuesday morning. Hitched a cab and reached home well after 6AM.

End...

Hanged @ 2:51 PM

Saturday, June 10, 2006

England's Uninspiring Win...

I don't have cable TV so I didn't really watch England's World Cup opening match, but judging from the scoreline, I can boldly say that it was a really uninspiring win.

England, boasting a world-class squad with the likes of David Beckham, Michael Owen, Steven Gerrard and company, had to win by an own goal scored by their opponents. Like I said, I didn't watch it, but I can imagine how unmotivated the English were playing. It's almost like Paraguay gave them their goal out of respect for their world-class players. Paraguay, whose world ranking is way below that of England, should have been slaughtered. They are fortunate to escape with only a scratch as the butchers didn't have their chopper with them. Must they really rely on one Wayne Rooney to do the job?

More importantly, I fucking lost money because of their lack of motivation to increase their lead. Damn it...

End...

Hanged @ 10:59 PM

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Just Thinking...

If a baby emerges from his mother's womb at, let's say, 11.50PM and is kinda stuck halfway. He finally comes out at, let's say again, 12.10AM. So when's his birthday, the first day or the second day?

End...

Hanged @ 9:39 PM

Live Evil...

Today's 6th June 2006, also known as 060606. It's a good day. It has to be since my favourite number appears thrice in the date. I wanted to take a photo of my watch hitting 6.06PM but I unknowingly missed it.

Anyway, today's considered to be an evil day since there are three '6's in the date. As we all know, 666 is always associated with the Devil. Come on people, let's bask in the darkness and live the evil. Evil, as pointed out in the Satanic Bible, is just 'live' spelt the other way round, so just take today as an excuse and live evil. Use the remaining hours of today to do something evil, just because it's 060606. Kill a cat, wreck a car, injure a stranger, just do it. Then blame it on the date.

End...

Hanged @ 9:30 PM

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Lazing Around Like A Fat Bitch...

Damn. I'm really a lazy motherfucker. I felt like my life is so stable that I'm not doing anything to improve it and that caused it to remain stagnant, and then degrade.

I feel that my life's so empty. Everyday I go to camp, meet NSmen that I've never seen before and will probably not see again. Teach them things that I know, over and over again. Then I come back and laze around the house. The routine's killing all my motivation to do anything.

I wanna learn Japanese and beatboxing, I wanna draw comics to include in my blog, I wanna write stories like Twisted Tales, but all I find myself doing is sitting in front of the computer playing games, watching porn and wanking away. I have the ideas but I'm just not moving.

And on top of that, I'm putting on weight. I have a tummy, and I'm not doing anything about it. I'm a fucking sad case. If only I can slim down by wanking. Wouldn't it be nice if I can slim down doing something I like and will do rather regularly? I even have the help of Maria Ozawa, Briana Banks and so many other beauties. If only...

I'm a fucker who only complains about his sad life and not do something about it. Fuck you, Reeve! I've gotta do something...

End...

Hanged @ 8:34 PM

Friday, June 02, 2006

10 Things I Look Forward To Happening But Will Probably Not Happen...

1.
Togo beating Angola in the World Cup Finals to become the World Cup winner.

2.
Manchester United playing in the Coca Cola Championship League the season after the next.

3.
Jessica Alba appearing in the buff... In front of me... In person...

4.
Progress Package being awarded again. This time for those below 21.

5.
Me driving a military rover over 50km/h.

6.
Me doing a slam dunk over Kobe Bryant's head.

7.
Me slapping Jennifer Lopez's ass.

8.
Me visiting Area 51 to meet those goddamn little green men.

9.
Bill Gates accidentally pens my name on his will and not know about it at all.

10.
Me suddenly developing super powers.

End...

Hanged @ 4:40 PM

My Foot...

I recently spent 1 whole day and night somewhere near Mandai observing NSmen doing overnight mission, as I mentioned a few days ago. It was damn fucking stupid. A lot of stupid things happened that hindered their progress, and thus lengthening the time I spent outfield.

We were expected to be back in camp before lunchtime on Thurday, but I got back to camp around 4PM. Fucking shit. Seeing the NSmen so tired makes me kinda fear doing ICT after I ORD. Damn.

Anyway, all that fucking shit aside, my left foot's killing me. I've got foot rot on my left foot. Hurts when I walk but I stilled spent the night walking in the fucking forest, climbing knolls and pluging my feet into calf-deep mud. The condition got worse due to that. Now my foot looks fucking gross.

Not for the weak-hearted...

I sure hope it recovers over the weekend, althought not very likely, as I'll have to do the same shit all over again next week with another batch of NSmen. Damn...

End...

Hanged @ 4:28 PM

Last Week...

Last week has been a rather busy weeks. Let's start from last Monday.

Last monday, I was preparing for the range I conducted last Tuesday. Was going around, trying to make sure things will be running smoothly the nest day.

Come Tuesday, I conducted a range for NSmen. Ended before 8.00PM. The fastest range I've ever conducted. I don't remember much, except Fariezan brought in a bottle of vodka and about 5 to 6 of us finished all of it. Went home feeling damn high.

Wednesday, the NSmen left. Left in the afternoon as I was posted to PCW team 2 and the team members were given half a day off. Had Swensons at West Mall with the team members as some kinda cohesion shit. Had something like chicken chop and a captain treated us, so I didn't pay for anything. Went to Hooters at night to have dinner with the BCW guys. About 9 of us there, had hell of a good time. We got Alex, Suffian and Fairus to act as 'triplets' and got the Hooters gals to sing them birthday songs and play games with them. The scene was fucking hilarious.

Suffian in front of Hooters... Topless...

Went to MOS next and dance the night away. The few of us got to know a few Malaysian gals there and we chatted. One of them thought I looked over 30. After I gave her another chance to guess my age, she said I looked "28 or 29". I was so sad. I mean, it's fine to look matured, but looking over 10 years older than your actual age is depressing.

Left MOS around 4? I don't remember, all I remember was that I had a meeting to attend on Thursday morning and I didn't sleep a wink. I stayed up until it's time for the meeting, then I left home.

Thursday, I don't remember anything. Did Jenn come over? Did I play computer games the whole day? Did I sleep the day away? Damn... Anyway, Friday, I got MC for headache. So did Jenn. Spent the day at home. What did we do? Darn... Really can't recall...

Saturday, went for my socondary school class chalet. That seemed like the 1st gathering I attended since graduating from secondary school. They claimed that they couldn't contact me the previous few times but what I know is that I wasn't informed of previous gatherings until they are all over. Whatever...

Spent the day playing PS2 in the chalet. Barbequed the food in the evening and ate and chatted till night. Played cards until about 5AM the next morning. The rest fell asleep while I continued playing with the goddamn PS2 until everyone woke up.

Left for Kbox in the afternoon. Sang my lungs out. I was hogging the mike the whole while. Haha. Sorry guys. Anyway, they arranged songs by Shin, so we had to fucking scream the songs. Fucking high but fucking funny. Jin Han was the star of the evening, singing Jacky Wu's songs with very strong resemblance.

Left for home in the evening and got home at around 9PM. Jenn was sleeping in my house already. I didn't wanna wake her up, so I showered and slept till Monday morning.

End...

Hanged @ 3:40 PM

New Look... Again...

I got my blog a new look. That's a fast change. Why? Because the previous skin, for some stupid reasons, does not allow me to post more than an entry a day. If I write 2 entries a day, one the later one will be displayed. That caused some frustration so I decided to change it. Hope this one doesn't give me problems...

End...

Hanged @ 3:18 PM

Reeve said...: This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.; 3:30 PM

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