Thursday, May 31, 2007
Good Luck...
I finished watching Good Luck yesterday. It's a good show. The plot's good, although I felt that it's a little short. Takuya Kimura was charming as usual, and Kou Shibasaki was beautiful. She did her 'ice queen' act at the start of the drama, just like her character in A Million Stars Falling From The Sky, but started to be more outgoing towards the end.
I liked the second last episode the best because it's so close to me. Takuya's character broke his leg and was told he cannot be a pilot no more. He never gave up on his dream, and his promise to fly Kou Shibasaki to Honolulu. He worked hard and went back to being a pilot. That episode got me rather emotional. I was told that I can't play basketball anymore, but I'm not giving up. I'll come back one day.
End...
Hanged @
8:02 PM
Last Night...
He was lying on bed last night when an unknown loneliness overwhelmed him. All of a sudden, he felt so lonely alone on the queen-size bed. He wished there was someone accompanying him, someone by his side. Lust? Loneliness? Boredom?
Fortunately, he was tired enough to fall asleep fast, sparing himself from the agonizing loneliness and thoughts.
End...
Hanged @
7:55 PM
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I Amuse Myself...
Once again, I amuse myself. I'm kinda confused by the situation I got myself in. I'm wondering how I ended up in this situation, multi-tasking and handling things. I'm probably thinking too much, looking too much into things.
I don't like lying, and I don't usually lie. I merely hide truths. I tell people truths, but not all of them. I give partial truths. Ignorance and hiding things are not as bad as lying, right?
End...
Hanged @
3:51 PM
Miss Universe 2007
I just saw on the web that the winner of Miss Universe 2007 is Miss Japan. I don't follow the pageant, but man, she sure deserves the crown. She's stunningly beautiful and hot.
End...
Hanged @
3:48 PM
Monday, May 28, 2007
Dragged Myself...
I finally took my new shoes and dragged myself out of the house to jog. It's been a long time. Now I'm physically exhausted but mentally refreshed. I'll go back to watching Good Luck.
End...
Hanged @
11:37 PM
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Useful Article...
This article is really useful. Makes me understand myself better and definite will help girls understand guys better...
End...
Hanged @
2:13 PM
Bloody Thought...
I was quite rudely awakened by a Team Leader just now at around 12PM. Asked me if I wanted to do OT, which I promptly rejected due to lack of sleep and lack of time to prepare myself for work. I slept at around 8AM so I've only slept 4 hours, but I'm the kind of person who can't really get back to sleep once I'm awakened. Feeling kinda tired now.
My mum went to see a doctor but she arranged for a mahjong session that will start in around 10 minutes. Guess who's playing in her place?
Had a thought yesterday when my nose was bleeding and I told a few of my colleagues. I thought the next time my nose bleeds, I'll take a white shirt and sneeze on it, like some grafiti. A colleague commented that it sounded like an episode of CSI. I have no idea because I don't watch CSI. I know it's kinda morbid, but it's quite interesting, isn't it?
End...
Hanged @
1:39 PM
Bloody Work...
I was working yesterday when my nose started bleeding. I was on the line with a customer when it happened. I was trying hard to plug the blood but the customer just kept on ranting. He even made me run over to the other department to clarify something with someone. Quite a few people was shocked by the blood stains on my hands as I ran around the call centre.
The bloody customer made me hold on the line while he did something registering online. Fucking hell. By the time he hung up, my jeans, hands and table were stained with blood. Had quite a headache after that due to the lack of blood in my bloody brain.
This nose-bleeding issue is starting to cause me problems.
End...
Hanged @
7:15 AM
Mahjong...
It's freaking 7AM in the morning and I've just finished playing mahjong for my mother. She wanted to sleep so I took over her place. She (We) lost a total of $200 in the end. Can't blame me though, the damage was over $150 by the time she passed me the baton. What did she expect me to do? Perform some miracles in 1 round? Those wily old foxes are too good for an amateur like me, but it's good 'training' because my friends are not my match anymore.
End...
Hanged @
7:11 AM
I Used To...
I was watching the TV on the bus the other day when I saw this fresh milk advertisment involving a lady in a red jumpsuit jumping around buildings, performing a very lame imitation of parkour. I used to think that with my athletism, I can perform the moves she did anytime, and with proper training, I could do parkour.
Used to. Yes, I used to think that way. We all know what happened next.
I used to be a martial artist, holding a black belt. Now I can't even throw a proper punch with my master hand. Yes, I can still do daily chores like write, type, wank, carry stuffs, wave and shit like that, but things are not the same anymore. I feel like a handicapped, a disabled. I know I shouldn't feel this way and I know I'm stronger than that, but it's an undeniable fact that I'm not the Reeve I used to be.
Not the same Reeve I used to be...
End...
Hanged @
7:04 AM
Friday, May 25, 2007
Fucking Great Singapore Sale...
I'm rather unhappy now, with the feeling that I'm being cheated. Why? Because the Great Singapore Sale starts tomorrow, and apparently I'm the only idiot who doesn't know it. No one told me about it! And hell, I even bought a new pair of shoes yesterday. WTF...
End...
Hanged @
10:40 PM
Love Generation...
I've just finished the entire series of Love Generation. Yes, it's an old series, but it's a classic. The soundtrack's brilliant, and the acting's good too. There's my idol, Takuya Kimura and the beautiful Takako Matsu. She has a really beautiful smile and large, round eyes. She was so cute then. Now she exudes more of a mature elegance.
Anyway, the drama's rather touching. It revolves around a simple theme, but has the characters in quite a messy situation, thus making the theme really complicated.
The crystal apple that appears throughout the series...
I really enjoyed the last episode. A large part of the last episode was shot in snowy Nagano. Makes me feel like travelling, and I'm a person who hates travelling. Takuya Kimura was very charismatic, and the romantic things he said to Takako Matsu was really heart-warming.
The philosophy of Takuya Kimura in the drama actually brings out the untold guilt in me. Makes me think about the decision I made. But it's all fiction, isn't it? Reality is a sad contrast to everything good in dramas. Not everyone or everything has a happy ending.
This poster appeared throughout the series too...
Anyway, this is really a good show I'd recommend to everyone. I'll start on Good Luck next.
End...
Hanged @
12:13 AM
Devoid Of Feelings...
Is he really devoid of feelings? Or is he simply refusing to feel? Is it too early to say now? Or is it already too late?
End...
Hanged @
12:09 AM
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Random...
I went to NUS today to repeat my urine test. Yes, a repeat urine test. It's part of a pre-admission body check-up. I failed my previous urine test because this idiot here drank a whole bottle of honey before going for the test. The glucose level in my urine turned out too high for that day and I was made to repeat it another time.
Went all the way to NUS, urinated into a cup and left, all in 5 minutes. A total waste of my time, but at least I know I'm not fucking diabetic. I'll commit hara-kiri if I'm really diabetic.
Went to NUH after that to get an X-Ray of my arm done. My medical appointment has been changed to next month, so I left the hospital early and went shopping for a pair of sneakers. Walked around JP, visited Ching Hang at his workplace, then bought a pair of Nike running shoes. The damage was $80, but I guessed it's considered quite a bargain considering it's a Nike. Color? Black, of course. When's the last time you saw me wearing a pair of shoes that's not black in color?
Now I kinda know why gals like to shop. It kinda relaxes a person, but the pain sets in after you realise you've just burnt a hole in your pocket. Well, at least I didn't buy something I don't need.
I realised that without seeing the doctor in the hospital, I don't have an MC to cover my absence from work. I went to the clinic and made up something about sore throat and stomach upset. It's amazing how the doctor can find illnesses on me when I was just making shit up. Maybe it's a 2-way thing. I'm there to 'cheat' the MC and she's there to milk me of my money. Anyway, got an MC for today.
Wanted to take my new sneakers out for a run, but the motherfucking hot weather is putting me off. The air-con's been on for days.
I've got a huge pimple on my nose. It's damn irritating. I burst it and it's bleeding now. Fuck.
Didn't win in Toto today. Sigh...
End...
Hanged @
11:40 PM
Thank You My Friend...
I called Jean last night and chatted with her over the phone for about 2 hours. I don't know why, but everytime I feel like talking to somebody she's the only one I can think of. She's a great friend.
We chatted about work, studies, my love and sex lives (or the lack of them). Got some weight off my shoulders and lightened the guilt I felt. I always thought it's better to talk to gals than guys. Girls are more sensitive and it's easier to confide in them. Most guys I know just talk rot, that's why I can't even be bothered to talk to them when I have problems.
Anyway, thanks a lot Jean.
End...
Hanged @
1:23 PM
My Age...
I'm almost halfway into my 21st year of existence in this world. I know I'm not old, but I'm feeling really, really old.
Maybe it's because of the crap I lived through when I was a kid. Not many people can go through that. Not many did. Experiences like that matures a person's mind fucking fast. Makes one think that he has seen a large bulk of life. Makes one think that there's really not much in life to learn and look forward to.
Then again, there's so much more to strive for. It's this irony that makes me feel so damn old. It gives me a sense of urgency, telling me that I have to do things. I've lived through shit and I'm not letting myself or my children go through that.
Did my experiences contradict the realities of life? Or did they complement it by making me work harder?
End...
Hanged @
12:53 AM
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
My Job...
My job, in reality, sucks. I have to put up with people's shit and still talk to them respectfully. Yes, it will make me a better person, and I will be able to appreciate other people's help, but sometimes things can drive me mad.
I told my colleagues that I realised Singaporeans are mostly idiots. Yes, unreasonable idiots. Just listen to the things they do and say and you'll know why. Also, this job will not make you racist, at least not for my case. Why? Because I've come to hate all races, anyone that yells at me despite me talking to them patiently and politely. Stay on this job long enough and I'll start hating every Singaporean.
I'm rather wary when I'm on the streets, because anyone around me could be someone that called in and talked to me before. Anyone could be that bastard that cursed my parents over the phone. Then on the other hand, anyone could be the person who was very grateful that I helped him or her with her phone issues.
To conclude, I think my job pays rather well, but I'm just not suited for this job, not for long.
End...
Hanged @
10:40 PM
Monday, May 21, 2007
A Morbid Interest In Blood...
My nose has been bleeding everyday for the past week. It gets me high, but the lack of blood in my head is causing me headaches and fatigue.
I had the rather bad case of nose bleeding on Friday night. It started in my room and I made a dash to the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood behind me. I let out a maniacal laugh when I saw my bloody face in the mirror. I let my nose bleed into the sink, washed it and let the blood flowed again.
I managed to stop the bleeding after some time. I looked around the bathroom after it stopped and saw patches of red here and there. It's not as glorious as when I first entered the bathroom, but it was still quite interesting. I walked out of the bathroom, took my phone and started snapping away.
This is only a fraction of all the blood...
Blood left after several clean-ups...
I almost got blood on my new phone. Almost. I know I have a morbid interest in blood but what can I do? What can YOU do?
End...
Hanged @
3:37 AM
Female...
He desires for female company. He's not sure if it's the body or the presence he desires, but he just desires the company. Maybe it's both that he's desiring. Maybe he's lonely. Maybe he's not that strong after all.
He knows he's not very normal, to desire care, concern, sex and not love from a female. He also knows gals that think the way he does are a rarity. He dares not wish for love, but wonders if he can ever find happiness for that aspect of his life.
It's getting a little sick for him. Maybe he should just kill himself and let the others take over.
End...
Hanged @
3:29 AM
Growing Old...
I'm growing old by the day and I'm fearing it. I really hate it. I don't hate the responsibilities of an adult. In fact, I enjoy it, but there are so many other things to consider, so many things to fear.
I fear that I may not be able to earn my first million in ten years. I fear that I may not be able to retire by 45. I fear that I might start balding. I fear for my health, especially with my nose bleeding all the time. I fear that I may be frail and diseased by the time I'm 50. Then I'll probably kill myself and save myself from the misery, and save my family from the burden.
There are so many complications involved when you grow old. Don't you guys feel anything?
End...
Hanged @
3:24 AM
Rant For The Weekend...
I just got home some time ago, after catching a movie with a few of my colleagues. Caught Blade of Glory. It's a rather funny film, has its lame moments, and it has a ridiculously lame ending. It's worth a watch, but definitely not worth $9.
Anyway, I played mahjong with Alex and company on Saturday. Went to Benedict's place to play. I emerged as the sole winner, so if you are reading this, Jin Han, suck on it! So much for your 'ultimate pair'. Haha.
Had breakfast with them on Sunday morning and came back home. Wanted to sleep but ended up finishing the whole Season 2 of Joey. Slept for a few hours before going to buy Toto. It's a fucking $2.8m for the first prize. Nothing wrong with buying some hope, right?
Wanted to take a train to Dhoby Gaut to catch the movie, but I just got my hands on the Japanese drama Long Vacation. That's one of my favourite dramas. It's been over 10 years but the plot and soundtracks are still stuck deep in my head. It's interesting how something so old can still touch my heart (if it's still there, that is). I ended up leaving the house late, so I took a cab down to my workplace to meet them.
Went to Cathay to catch the movie. Didn't talk much to them. I just don't mix in large groups well. They all have common things to talk about, things that I don't know and/or don't care. They took a picture. I hid at the back. I never liked taking photos.
It's hard trying to blend into their group I guess. After all, I'm the guy who absurdly and stupidly broke his arm and took a 2-month hiatus off work, during which they probably forged close bonds between them. I guess colleagues are all we'll be.
I think I'll miss the next movie session, if there's one. I'll spare them from the presence of a the anonymous loner.
End...
Hanged @
3:08 AM
Thursday, May 17, 2007
How Would You Like To Die...?
After watching the fearless Spartans in 300, it kinda made me think about dying. No, not thinking about it like suicide, just thinking about the idea of dying. They died a glorious death in their eyes. How would I like to die?
It's hard to really come up with an idea of how to die because not only do I not have experience, I doubt anyone around me had that experience before. I know I won't wanna die a slow death. I don't mind painful as long as it doesn't drag too long. Something like gunshot to the brain, stabbing of the heart or falling from some really high place. Something swift. And something that will definitely kill me. On the fucking spot. Don't wanna struggle all the way to the hospital, waste the surgeons' time and still end up dead.
Either I die like I mentioned above, or I die with adrenaline pumping to all parts in me. That will make me die feeling high and painless. Something like how the Spartans died.
I say again, I'm not suicidal. I have a lot more things to live for. I'm just thinking about the best way I'd like to take my leave.
End...
Hanged @
12:15 AM
Too Many...
I have too many alter-egos. They are invading my blog. I can't differentiate who's writing and who's reading. Do I have multiple personalities or am I developing schizophrenia? Maybe I should set up another blog to cater to those other souls? But I'm rather lazy to set up another blog and type away. Afterall, we still share one body here. I'll need to contemplate and discuss with them on it.
End...
Hanged @
12:12 AM
300...
Got a new phone yesterday. It's a Sony Ericsson W850i. Yes, I'm a sucker for slider phones.
Just finished watching 300. Yes, I'm a little slow, but it's better late then never. It's a really good show. Motivating, inspiring, simply brilliant. The fight scenes were really well done, the Spartans were portrayed as really valiant and honorable. The sex scene was sensually and tastefully done. There's blood here and there but it's not too gory. It's really a damn good show. Go rent the video if you haven't caught it.
End...
Hanged @
12:06 AM
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
He Is A Realist...
He is a realist. He doesn't believe in 'forever'. There is no 'forever' in this world. There is no 'forever' in his world. Love cannot overcome everything. He doesn't believe in continuing something that will not work. It's only pragmatic.
With pragmatism comes coldness. So uncanny. So unreal. He hates himself for that. He is not a wolf in sheep's skin. He is a hybrid of both.
End...
Hanged @
10:21 AM
High On Blood...
I just had a shower. My nose was bleeding again in the bathroom. Had a rather hard time cleaning up the blood-red floor. It's not easy cleaning when blood's trickling outta your nostrils while you are at it. But it's okay I guess. I always get so high when I see myself bleeding.
I deliberately let my nose bleed. I taste the blood as it flows down my face. I lick any bleeding wound I sustain. I took pictures of my bleeding arm after my operation just to use them as cellphone wallpapers so that I get kinda high everytime I turn my phone on.
Maybe I really love myself a little too much? Or is this really a form of hatred for myself?
Mad? Gothic? Narcissistic? Sadistic?
End...
Hanged @
10:09 AM
On MC...
I took MC today. Maybe I slept too late this morning? Maybe I just don't feel like working. Face it. There are bound to be days when you don't feel like working. You can either do something about it, or whine about it. I'm the kind of person who acts on things.
I embrace my desires and wants,with only my conscience to answer to.
End...
Hanged @
9:13 AM
Dealing With Lust...
He is having quite a hard time dealing with his lust. Is he lusting for that someone again, or is he just lusting for self-gratification? Is it in the head or is it something physical? The line's too fine.
How many can really be like he envisioned, throwing in physical intimacy without love?
It's tearing him inside.
End...
Hanged @
9:03 AM
I Should Be Sleeping...
I should be sleeping now. I start work at 9AM tomorrow. I just got back from a movie session with a few colleagues. Caught 28 Weeks Later. I thought it was rather bad. Don't really wanna comment about it. Catch it at your own risk.
My nose has started bleeding again these few days. Haven't seen the bathroom dyed red in months. This means summer is coming. Maybe I should go get a tan sometime soon.
Scalded my thumb just now while cooking cup noodles. Makes me feel dumb. Did not run it under cool water after I got it scalded. Showered under hot water instead. Now there's a blister on my thumb. I don't give a fuck.
I just let out a sneeze. Good thing I covered my nose or the whole monitor and keyboard would have been dyed red.
Waiting for my hair to dry then hitting bed. Hope I can wake up in time tomorrow. Getting a new phone tomorrow. Kinda looking forward to it.
End...
Hanged @
2:04 AM
Thursday, May 10, 2007
He Is Lusting...
Tonight, he is lusting. No, he's not horny, just lustful. He's lusting for a particular someone, who appears at particular times, at a particular place. He doesn't want commitments or responsibilities like love, just care and concern, platonic if it has to be, coupled with physical intimacy.
It's kinda too much? Asking less for more. The world just isn't his ideal world.
End...
Hanged @
1:34 AM
Don't Ask If You Don't Care...
Don't ask about my arm if you don't care because you do not know what I went through, you don't know what I'm going through and you will not know what I will be going through, you ugly motherfuckers.
End...
Hanged @
12:14 AM
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Sinful...
I just went to a petrol kiosk near my house to get myself a soft drink and an ice-cream because I suddenly had the craving for them. I walked there and realised that I really enjoyed the trip. The night breeze was cool, and the entire neighbourhood was sadly quiet, except for the occasional vehicle passing me. I let the night breeze mess my wet hair up. The night's really cool.
Anyway, enough of the night shit. I'm writing this because I'm feeling really sinful. Honestly, I'm not sticking to my low carbohydrate diet as strictly as I used to due to various limitations. And now, I'm getting ice-cream and soft drinks in the middle of the night? Damn. I hope I don't gain the weight I lost back.
And my work's really boring. I sit around everyday listening to calls. That doesn't burn up too much calories, does it? It's not really helping in terms of weight lost. I need to exercise soon. I can't remember the last time I went jogging. I need to get my sorry ass outta my seat in front of this computer and put on those running shoes soon.
End...
Hanged @
1:22 AM
Various...
He acts differently when he is with different people.
People who have known him long enough will get to see him curse, swear, shout, laugh out loud and act senseless.
People he just knew will only see him smile, talk sense, speak politely and behave properly.
People he doesn't know will see him as the cold, quiet guy sitting in a corner, not giving a fuck about everyone around him.
He acts differently when he is with different people. Does that make him a hypocrite? He doesn't think so. Which is the real him? All of them.
End...
Hanged @
12:54 AM
He Loves The Night...
He loves the night. He loves travelling at night, staying up at night. He thinks the night is beautiful. He may not be able to see things as clearly as in the day, but he believes there's beauty in ambiguity. He does not like darkness, but it's the lights coupled with the darkness of the night that makes everything beautiful.
End...
Hanged @
12:51 AM
He Always Takes The Train...
He always takes the train home, although he can take a cab and claim the fare from his company. Why? He didn't know why until today.
He realised that it's on the train at midnight that he can feel something. He travels alone late at night, with his MP3 player plugged into his ears, blasting songs of different genres. In the train filled with people, he feels alone, isolated from the world. He cannot hear anything, except for the same old tunes replaying in his ears.
It is then he realises how pathetic and lonely he is. Does he dislike that feeling? Not really. Does he like that feeling then? Probably. He doesn't mind feeling like crap. Maybe it's because he was brought up that way?
He feels no love for others, or rather, he rejects love from others. He has no love for others too, but he is not helpless. He still has himself. He still has love, for himself. He is a self-centred, egoistic bastard.
Tonight, he found out something about himself. He found out a little more about his confused and mysterious self.
He is...
End...
Hanged @
12:30 AM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
He...
He has no friends. He has no one he can talk to, no one to tell his problems to. He grew up without trust, with hatred, with all his frustrations bottled up in him. He doesn't want to bother others with his problems. He has nowhere to go, nowhere to stay.
He seemed to have lost his ability to love, or maybe his desire to love. He only has lust. He lusts after almost all the girls around him, but he could not find a shred of love in himself. Maybe he only loves himself. Had the love for money change him? Or was it the betrayal years ago?
He committed a despicable act yesterday, an act that even he despises. Something took over him. He hurt her. She looked into his eyes and called him a bastard. She questioned his action. He knows the answer, but he doesn't want to face it. She kissed him. He felt nothing.
His mind is like a ball of steel wool. Incoherent, confused. He doesn't know what he wants, doesn't know what he thinks, doesn't know what he feels. He probably doesn't wanna know at all.
He recovered well, maybe too well. That made him feel inhuman. He listens to sad ballads in a vain attempt to link up with his humane side, but that only made him realise how heartless he has become. He tried to wallow in self-pity, but was too arrogant to allow it. He tried to force tears out of his eyes, but the only thing in his eyes is emptiness, coupled with a hint of hatred, for himself.
They say only those who really loved before know how to cry. What does that imply of him? He seems like a good person to people around him, but is he really a good person? Who is he deceiving? Himself? Or the world?
He wears a ring, not out of love, but because he loves the colour. He is devoid of feelings, except for superficial expressions. He is strangled. He is choked. He is stifled. He needs to be saved.
He is...
End...
Hanged @
12:15 AM
Friday, May 04, 2007
Spider-Man 3...
I caught Spider-Man 3 on Wednesday. The plot's quite okay. A little over-hyped, I think.
I think this black look is very cool...
I didn't like the way they developed Eddie Brock's character. He developed a hatred for Parker/Spider-Man too quickly. And what's worse? They killed him off at the end. Venom's Spider-Man's arch-nemesis! How could they kill him off just like that? Where would Carnage spawn from if Venom's dead? Also, Venom in the movie looked kinda strange. Maybe because he's much smaller in size compared to the comic's Venom.
Sandman's story was quite okay in terms of development. Gwen Stacy could have played a more important role in the film. After all, she's an important character in the comic. Also, I prefer Kristen Dunst with red hair. It makes her look more like the MJ in the comic. However, Jameson looked like he was ripped out of the comic. The resemblance is uncanny.
A colleague pointed out that there was 1 enemy in the first Spider-Man movie, 2 enemies in the second, and 3 in this third installment. Will there be 4 in the next one? Who knows?
Another colleague told me that it took her 3 films to realise that James Franco, the guy who plays Harry Osborne, is hot. I believe it's not a matter of her overlooking, it's just that he had too few scenes in the first 2 installments compared to this.
Tobey Maguire was rather funny, especially when Peter Parker got arrogant due to the symbiote. He looked so damn corny when he was dancing around the street. The scene in the jazz lounge where he had his hair down reminded me of Johnny Depp. The look also reminded me a little of Edward Scissorhand. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the sinister look? Maybe it's the goth make-up.
Overall, it's a good film with stunning effect. Despite it's shortcomings in plots and character development, it's still a must for all fans of the franchise.
Hanged @
9:46 PM
Life's Boring...
Life's boring. At least it is at it's current stage. I recently converted into a full-time temp staff of StarHub. I go to work everyday, come back to rest, only to go back to work again the next day. I sit down in front of the computer and listen to other people's questions and problems for hours a day. Well, I shouldn't be complaining as the money's not that bad. But still... Looking forward to school in August.
Went to meet some web designers Jean recommended on Wednesday to get my website done. Talked to them for almost an hour and they said they'll give me a quote by next week. They sounded like things would not be cheap. We'll see...
End...
Hanged @
9:37 PM
Dianna said...
