Stifled...

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Books...

Due to unforseen circumstances, I forgot to submit my timesheet on Monday. If I submitted, then I would have gotten my pay today, but shit happens, so I'm kinda low on cash. Thank goodness I saved a bit and there's this GST offset thing the government gave out, so I still have enough to last me till my next pay day.

Anyway, I went to Borders to buy some books the other day. Was thinking of going to Kinokuniya, which I'd prefer, but Kinokuniya closes so much earlier than Borders.

Someone has really gotta keep me outta those giant bookstores. I spent $100 on 5 books there. I've finished 1 of them and it was quite a helpful, motivational book. I'm currently on a book that I've wanted to buy so quite some time. It's quite interesting.

Haven't been reading for a long time. It feels good to start reading again. Just don't try to get me to read Harry Potter.

End...

Hanged @ 10:14 PM

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Bed...

It's both a good thing and a bad thing to have a large bed.

You get to toss and turn all you like when you sleep, but the bed feels kinda empty when you sleep alone. It makes one feel lonely.

Kinda miss having someone sleep by my side. Or maybe, just maybe, I kinda miss having a particular someone sleep by my side.

End...

Hanged @ 10:11 PM

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

No One's Anyone's Type...

"He's not my type."

"I don't think you are her type."

"I like her type."

We hear shit like that all the time, but I don't believe in 'type'. How many times have we heard a person telling everyone what her/his type is, only to end up happy with a person different from the shit he/she said?

I think this 'type' thing is just an excuse to fall for the wrong person, or reject a potentially right one, because 'type' is something superficial. Just because he/she is your 'type' doesn't mean he/she will treat you well, does it?

I don't believe in 'type'. Do you?

End...

Hanged @ 12:44 AM

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What The Fuck...?

Reeve, what the fuck were you thinking? Do you have any fucking idea of what you did? Have you thought about what you said?

You are creating nothing but trouble for yourself and the people around you. You'll bring hurt and pain to everyone, including yourself.

You'll end up with nothing, just like what your friend told you.

End...

Hanged @ 12:36 AM

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Sunday, July 08, 2007

Shit Happened...

Something happened on Friday night. Something rather bad. Something I shouldn't do but still did.

Guilty. Bothered. Down. Had to drink on Saturday night to wash the guilt away.

Could I stop myself? I don't know. Did I stop myself? I don't know.

Was it my fault? Yes. Was it all my fault? I don't know.

Something bad turned good. Something good turned bad.

Sorry.

End...

Hanged @ 10:27 PM

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Relationships...

I keep telling myself and the people around me that I don't want a relationship. I've got a feeling that I will reject any that comes my way, and reject the whole idea of starting one even if I become fond of someone.

It's like intentionally locking yourself in a room while wanting to get out. I may look back my life when I'm 40 to realise I've been single since I was 21. This thought freaks me out.

But it really can't be helped, can it? I enjoy flirting, dating and sex, but is not ready for a committed, exclusive relationship. Singapore gals are conservative, and the so called 'open-minded' ones are mostly posers that act westernised but still conservative inside.

Doesn't anyone watch Friends or Joey? Isn't the kind of relationship shown in the show cool? Friends can start dating each other, sleep with each other and if things don't work out then they still remain as friends.

Those are ultimately TV shows, right? The world's just not made the way everyone likes it to be.

End...

Hanged @ 10:19 PM

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I Played Basketball...

I played basketball today. It's been almost half a year since I last played. Got me really excited and elated. Played with Alex, Benedict and Jin Han. It's been a little too long, I got tired after a while and my calves felt like they were going to suffer from cramps, but it was good.

They came over to play mahjong after that. I won a bit.

Feeling rather tired after playing. Will be working OT tomorrow, so I'll sleep early today.

End...

Hanged @ 10:14 PM

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Friday, July 06, 2007

KL...

I went to KL last Sunday and came back on Tuesday. The trip was okay. I won't say it's a great trip, but it wasn't that bad either.

I played overnight mahjong on Saturday night and didn't sleep a wink. Met up with the guys on Sunday morning for breakfast before taking a coach to KL. The trip was rather long, but I'm not one to sleep on a vehicle. I only managed to doze off for about an hour on the coach.

We got to the hotel in the afternoon. We unloaded our bags and headed to KLCC to do some shopping. KLCC is damn huge. It's probably bigger then VivoCity and it's situated below the Petronas Twin Towers. We shopped until it was dark. I almost died due to lack of sleep. Had to drink cola to keep myself awake. We wanted to head up the towers, but it was closed by the time we finished shopping. Some of us had intentions to head to KL Zouk, but, embarrassingly, we could not find it.

The Towers at night...

We headed to the Chinatown of KL and walked around a bit. There are a lot of counterfeit goods there. We ended the night in the hotel room, drinking beer, eating junk, watching TV and playing cards.

The next day, we went shopping again. Don't ask me where we went because I really don't know the locations. I just followed and bought things that caught my eyes.

We went to Planet Hollywood to have dinner. The place was quite nice. The food's good and the chicken chop's serving is quite large. I've always liked to eat large pieces of meat and the chicken chop did not disappoint me.

Great friends, but why does Yew Wei look pissed...?

We drank a bit and listened to the 'live' band perform. Not too good, not too bad.

That's Weijie insisting he's not drunk...

We went back to the hotel after dinner and messed around a bit before dropping dead on the beds.

HQ and Weijie 'wrestling' on the bed...

HQ defeated with an injured thumb and Weijie with his victory post...

I was forced to help finish the leftover beer the next morning. Who the hell drinks beer in the fucking morning? Anyway, we checked out of the hotel in the afternoon and went to do MORE shopping, this time with our luggage. Yew Wei, Weijie and I wore the shirts we bought the day before. They are of the same design, with pictures of strange looking bears in the front, just different colors. We looked quite stupid walking around the shopping malls in them. Again, I have no idea where were the places we went.

We called ourselves 'The Bear Brothers'...

We took the coach at around 6.30PM and alighted before midnight. Was fucking late by the time I got back.

Did a check at home. I bought 1 black pair of boxers, 2 black shirts, 2 black T-shirts (one is technically grey, but the label states 'black'), 1 black blazer, 1 black pair of Levi's jeans and 1 black belt. Is it me or did I buy too much black stuffs?

End...

Hanged @ 9:55 PM

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Internal Struggles...

I fight myself everyday. My lust versus my emotions. My rationale versus my desires. It's getting tiring.

I tell myself I don't want to enter a relationship. I tell everyone that, but deep inside, in a small corner, there's still this desire to care for someone, and to be cared for.

Do I want it? Should I? Will I? Who?

Maybe it's just lust? Physical. Body's telling me something. Mind's telling me another. My rationality says it's not worth it, that it's peer pressure. Conscience is urging me not to hurt anyone. Devil in me screams otherwise.

Self-esteem asks if I can pull it off. It mocks me, telling me no one would want me as a friend, much less a boyfriend. Confidence fills my head with hope.

Am I not developing feelings? Or am I simply denying them?

Must you really be that emotional and rational at the same time, you motherfucker?

It sucks when your mind, body and heart cannot work as one.

End...

Hanged @ 9:37 PM

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