Stifled...

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Hunger...

I feel lost. There's a hunger in me I need to appease. It's not physical. I wanna do something. Something big. Something that can make me money, make me rich. Something that can give me satisfaction. I wanna start the cafe thing with Angie now, but I can't, due to lack of funds. My soul aches to do something. It's devouring me.

When I look at myself, I feel like shit. I need to get rich, need to do something. I have dreams to fulfill, money to be made, skies to explore. I see lost souls around me, living a dream, chasing meaningless things, meaningless pleasures. I feel for them. A part of me wanna be like them. In fact, I'm like them to a certain extent. That is what people define as youth.

But a part of me wants to do more than that. I'm not a teenager anymore, not a schoolboy anymore. I want to be successful. Some people my age are making big bucks. I wanna be like them, and to put it crudely, the more lost souls there are around me, the more advantage I have to become successful.

I wanna take risks, wanna try things. I'm glad I have lazy, conservative friends because they are who I'll get money from. They will be my customers, the consumers. They'll never get out of their hopeless state, never get successful and compete with me for money. They still believe in studying hard and working for others to get rich. The world needs people like that.

I'm glad I have friends who spend more time chasing pleasures and girls than money. They'll always spend more than they get.

But even with so many lost souls, I'm still not successful, still not making it big. I'm hungry for that. I have to be more hungry. I have to do more. I'll prepare a proposal by the end of the term break and present to the entrepreneur centre of my school to secure funds for the cafe. I'll do it over and over until I get it. It's now or never.

I don't wanna tear myself apart.

End...

Hanged @ 11:07 PM