Stifled...

Monday, July 28, 2008

What Do You Do...?

What do you do when you hate and love the very same person?

End...

Hanged @ 11:17 PM

Anonymous said...: Just love the person...leave hatred aside-its too tedious.; 6:30 PM

我不想忘记你...

压抑了一天一夜的泪水终于在郭静的“我不想忘记你”中决堤了。

郭静 - 我不想忘记你

我在向前走
却像在退后
我在用想念
狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里
空气很稀薄

我努力想起
你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你
再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你
苦也没关系
用祝福和感激
勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

一个人不懂
什么是拥有
两个人不懂
怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里
空气很稀薄

我努力想起你
笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你
再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

没想到我第一次用中文写部落格竟然是在这么悲伤的情况下。流着泪的我无法再隐藏我的感情。我还爱你。模糊着眼的我像失去盔甲的战士，感到非常懦弱。以为已冰冷的心流出了温热的眼泪。

就像歌里唱的，爱你这个决定，虽然艰辛，我不说对不起。可是我放不过我自己。我无法想象我爱的人企图摧毁我的人生。我无法原谅你，更无法原谅自己不原谅你。我不知道原谅你的话，我要怎么面对周遭的人事物。

就用这一首歌的时间，这几分钟的软弱，来告诉你，我还爱你，可是我不能也不会再和你在一起。让我用萧敬腾的歌来表达我的感情吧。

萧敬腾 - 原谅我

请不要分了以後　
还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久　
已不属於我
默默低头　
那时我很多　
话哽在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐　
或许我爱太多想太多
我能感受　
他比我适合
爱放了手　
我伪装冷漠　
比你先说分手

请原谅我　
原谅我不成熟
不爱你是借口　
好让你离开我
请原谅我　
好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受
换你过更好的生活

请不要分了以後　
还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久　
已不属於我
默默低头　
那时我很多　
话哽在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐　
或许我爱太多想太多
我能感受　
他比我适合
爱放了手　
我伪装冷漠　
比你先说分手

请原谅我　
原谅我不成熟
不爱你是借口　
好让你离开我
请原谅我　
好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受
换你过更好的生活

爱过恨过哭过也笑过
亲吻过你的脆弱
其实我比谁都要懦弱

原谅我　
必须假装爱错
别让时间逗留　
我怕说不出口
原谅我　
没有解释太多　
心痛
别无所求　
彻底忘了我
爱原来要舍得
我難過　
我才懂

请原谅我。要说的都在歌词里。不要再惩罚自己了。找个好男人嫁了，好好过生活。我祝福你。答应我，一定要快乐，好吗？

End...

Hanged @ 6:55 PM

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Darkness...

I love the night. I love the darkness. I've spent countless nights alone in my room, gaming under the cloak of darkness.

But just now, for just a little while, I felt a tiny jolt of fear. Fear of the darkness that is engulfing me now. That has not happened before. I guess I'm still adapting.

End...

Hanged @ 1:22 AM

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Sunday, July 27, 2008

It's Over...

It's over. It was ugly. It involved shouting, my friends, kicking down a door. It involved police coming to my house, my month's earnings (which is all I have) going down the drain, and sadness.

I'm free now. Lonely, but free. Freedom and privacy come at a price.

I'm not used being alone in the room. Feels strangely eerie, quiet, solitary. It'll take some time to get used to. I'll be fine.

End...

Hanged @ 8:04 PM

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Friday, July 04, 2008

Worried...

I was packing stuff in the company this morning when something dawned on me.

The economy is bad. What if I can't find a good job that allows me to support my family. I'm studying something media related, and the only media in Singapore is Mediacorp. If I don't end up there, I don't end up anywhere. What if I end up being a storeman all my life? I cannot allow that.

I called a few people today to tell them about how I feel. I feel a great urge to do something. Start something. I'm not all talk. I'm really thinking. I'm earning peanuts now as a storeman. Why would an undergraduate work as a storeman? As least I'm earning something, unlike some of the people around me. And working something as fucked-up as this made me realise that I cannot stay like that. It made me realise that I have to do something. I have the potential to do something.

I have so many ideas and so many things I want to do. And, no, I'm not going to take a step at a time and do things slowly. I wanna venture into different things and keep myself busy, to feel alive.

It's like Leong said, I need to learn the know-hows when I still can and I need to hang around like-minded people. I'm not going to live my life like a dream anymore. Be it starting a business or becoming a DJ, I need to put my foot down and really do something now.

End...

Hanged @ 7:01 PM

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